While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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