That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
