i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
