Need sex. Gaining weight.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think your dad took our porno
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
