I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
