oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
