I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
