I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
