I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I love having hate sex.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
