my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
