ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize