The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
