I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
