please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
