we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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