where am i from again
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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