I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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