Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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