So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
