my phone needs a breathalizer
Duck Duck Cougar?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
