I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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