I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
