The best revenge is premature balding
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
