We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
