I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You had me at "let me see your balls"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
