After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
