as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
