I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
