Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
