I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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