using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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