sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
