wanna go halves on a baby?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize