I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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