i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize