i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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