i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
