i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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