man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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