i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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