well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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