She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
