GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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