she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
