Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
