Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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