What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
