Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
