; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
