ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
