That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
