Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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