How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My liver just had a heart attack.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
