matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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