Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
