We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I FOUND THE LEGS
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
