I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
