After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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