then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
