I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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