You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
