I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
