i just had sex bonerless
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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