he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
