After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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