i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
