is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
