life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
