Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
