I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
