At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
