What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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