The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
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She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
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Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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