i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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