yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
