i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
