Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
