im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
