Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
